For years I have been trying to find the best way for me to journal my thoughts, my spiritual journey, our family memories and I just can't find a way that seems to work for me. While I love reading through the journals that I wrote as a teenager and during my time with YWAM, I have not been able to journal regularly since.

But God is always at work in my life, speaking to me, challenging me, giving me promises for the future and I want to record them. Being able to look back on them will encourage me in difficult times and will show me how far I have come!

Right now the world is experiencing a crisis that not only has almost the entire world in a lockdown, but will change our lives forever. In December 2019 there were reports of a respiratory illness in the district of Wuhan, China, that was starting to effect more and more people. After thousands of cases emerged in China, the virus spread all over the world, despite efforts to halt travel from and to China.

As I write this, there are 526.044 confirmed cases worldwide and 23,709 people have died. The Governor of Washington, Jay Inslee, has issued a stay at home order for the next few weeks. All schools are closed and adults are ordered to work from home whenever possible. Millions of people in the US have lost their jobs already and there will be countless more that follow. 

The Gift of Faith

My goal for 2015 is to read more, study more and learn more. I picked up my NT Greek book from almost twenty years ago and started enjoying relearning the Greek alphabet, grammar rules and conjugations. At the beginning of the year I went up to YWAM Publishing with my parents. We got a tour of the building, including the offices and warehouse. And we learned about the history of the book series "Christian Heroes Now & Then". I bought a copy of Georg Müller's book. I finally had a chance to read it last week. Talk about a faith builder!


Brent has an interview today for a job that he has been dreaming of for quite some time. In preparing for this interview, I have been praying a lot. Praying for our circumstances, for Brent to study the right things, for confidence instead of insecurity, for favor with the interview panel, and so on. My prayer walks have been focusing on spiritual warfare and praying for God's direction. Part of me so wants to clearly hear from God that this IS the job that God has for Brent. Over the past week I have received so many different bible verses in my quiet time that have encouraged me and that have in some small way confirmed that we are heading in the right direction.

I have been feeling for a while that God wants to fulfill the desire of Brent's heart. In Psalms 21 David praises God, because "You have given him his heart's desire"! Then in James 4:2b says "You do not have because you do not ask". So I have been asking God - a lot! And during this process, I suddenly felt my faith building. In fact, the more discourage or insecure Brent got, the more my faith increased. And with increasing faith I started to thank God for what he was about to do, rather asking him to do it! The more I prayed and thanked God, the more confident I felt that this could really be God's will for our lives!

Well, Brent had the interview and it was in some way the opposite of what I expected. He came home totally discouraged and being one hundred precent certain that he was not getting this job. I am said for him, but the funny thing is, I still feel that he will get this job. Until he receives a phone call or email stating that he has not been accepted for the position, I will continue to believe that God can work against all odds and get Brent this job.

In fact, my first thought was, that if Brent gets the job now, it will really truly be a miracle. God wants to give Brent the desire of his heart, but the more unexpected it happens. the bigger of a gift it will be!

A look back on 2014 and a look into 2015!

As I look back on the year 2014, the word that comes to mind is "Breakthrough". As I began to surrender (my theme word for 2014!) myself and areas of my life to the Lord, He broke through many barriers and walls in my life! In January I accepted a position at our church. It was not something I had planned and it certainly wasn't the kind of job I had in mind. But God knew better.
When I saw the ad in our church bulletin about an open position as the "Connection Team Lead", I immediately felt the need to apply. I went through the interview process and it was clear to everyone on the interview panel that I was the right person for the job! On the outside I was excited, but on the inside I felt uncomfortable. I felt that in my spiritual walk I was not fit to work for the church. When was the last time I had had a good solid quiet time? But to God that did not matter. He remembered the call to ministry that he had placed on my life so many years ago. I hadn't forgotten it either, but I felt stuck and thought that it was too late for God to make it happen! Fast forward almost one year and I am amazed at how far I have come, or should I say how far God has taken me? At the end of January I was asked to speak at the Women's conference at our church. In May I attended our Women's Retreat and was one of the small group leaders. It was at that retreat that the Holy Spirit ministered to me and set me free from the past. For the first time in eighteen years I felt free to worship, pray and use my prayer language.
Since then God has confirmed again and again that I am in the right place. In August the leadership at NWC appointed me as the Life Group administrator! What a dream to have a position in which my administrative as well as my pastoral skills are required.
This past week-end Brent and I got to go on an overnight date to Seattle while my parents watched the kids. We had a wonderful time going out to dinner, a movie and dessert. We stayed at the beautiful Westin Hotel in Seattle. Sunday late morning we went out to breakfast and used that time to talk about our hopes and goals for 2015. There are personal goals, financial goals, spiritual goals. When you put them all on paper, they can be pretty overwhelming. Is there even enough time to do all the things that we want to change and accomplish?
I spent some time in prayer about it this morning and my daily devotional by Chris Tiegreen was just what I needed. It talked about when Joshua was about to lead Israel into the promised land. He was afraid, but God gave him words of encouragement. "This is my command - be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9) Chris writes that Joshua was "focusing on the enormity of the task rather than the enormity of his God" and that "fear of enemies of obstacles cannot survive in the presence of God. As your awe of Him grows, mountains shrink and problems unravel".
As I was praying about my goals for 2015, God gave me Psalm 1 and the theme word for 2015 is GROWTH! I don't have to become a beautiful tree with long roots overnight. God wants me to grow slowly and healthy by streams of water. If I plant my roots in his word, I will yield my fruit in season and my leaves will not wither!

Psalm 1

1 Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.

Welcome 2014! A new year, a fresh start. I am naming this year the year of surrender! I am surrendering my life anew to God! His will, not mine be done. This is a year of change for my family in so many areas and as scary as change can be, it is exciting to know that God is in control and that he has good things in store for us. As I am typing this, I am listening to the song "I Surrender" by Hillsong and I came upon this prayer on the internet:

Loving Father, I surrender to You today with all my heart and soul. Please come into my heart in a deeper way. I say “Yes” to You today. I open all the secret places in my heart to you and say, “Come on in.” Jesus, You are Lord of my whole life. I believe in You and receive You as my Lord and Savior. I hold nothing back. Holy Spirit, bring me deeper conversion to the person of Jesus Christ. I surrender all to you: my health, my family, my resources, occupation, skills, relationships, time management, successes and failures. I release it, and let it go. I surrender my understanding of how things ought to be; my choices and my will. I surrender to You the promises I have kept and the promises I have failed to keep. I surrender my weaknesses and strengths to You. I surrender my emotions, my fears, my insecurities, my everything. Lord, I surrender my entire life to You, the past, the present and the future. In sickness and in health, in life and in death, I belong to You. “Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all that I have and possess. You have given all to me. To you, O Lord, and I return it. All is Yours. Dispose of it wholly according to Your will. Give me Your Love and Your grace, for this is sufficient for me.” (Source: http://theprayerescape.wordpress.com/a-prayer-for-you/prayer-of-surrender) This is my prayer for this day and every day for this year, that I will surrender every area of my life to God's will.

Unemployed

On May 17th I finally had my meeting with my bosses. I had weeks to prepare for this and up until a few days before the meeting I had a lot of anger, disappointment and frustration to deal with. But a few days before, a real peace came over me. A peace that can only come from God.
The morning of the meeting I was reading a devotional from Joyce Mayer and the title was "It is time for a change". I knew then that God was telling me that my job was coming to an end and that he had new things in store for me.
I was let go from my job and was able to handle it really well. I cried a lot and was worried about the finances for our family as well as being at home with the kids all day and not having my work to distract me or give me a break.

Now two weeks into it I can say that I am loving this new phase and that God is faithful in providing for our family. I will be on unemployment for a few months while I figure out what it is that God wants me - us - to do.

I am looking for a new job, but am not sure if having another administrative job is what God wants for me.

Turmoil

The peace didn't last long. Things have been hard, really, really hard and I am emotionally spent and tired. Thank God for my loving and supporting husband.

It seems like change is in the air, but I am just not sure what step to take and what choice to make. I love the verse for today from Joyce Meyer's "Hearing from God each morning":

"This is the man to whom I will look and have regard: he who is humble and of a broken and wounded spirit, and who trembles at my word." (Isaiah 66:2).

Broken? Yes! Wounded? Yes! Humble? Not so much, but I am getting there. On the same page it says that God's word for me today is: When things don't work out the way you want them to, trust God and keep a good attitude.

I will take that to heart.

God is good!

Wow, so much has happened since my last post. That Thursday evening when I surrendered my disappointment and worries to the Lord, he answered me through some verses in Job and Psalm. The very next morning, my bosses sent me an email asking for a meeting on Monday. The first answer to my prayer!
Brent came back from a long business trip on Friday and we had a wonderful week-end as a family. I had so much peace, hard to believe given the circumstances. The meeting on Monday was great and I had such a good feeling going into the meeting, that I had no need to communicate my confusion or frustration. So work is back to normal and I am loving it!