I have a problem

I have always known this, but I don't think I ever acknowledged how big my problem really is: I LOVE SHOPPING! Not that I have driven us into debt because of it, but I love to shop and generally buy what I want. A new shirt for myself, cute shoes for the kids, a new tablecloth. All are usually good deals from cheap stores, but nevertheless often unnecessary things.
The reason I have been in denial about it, is that I tell myself that I am good with money. For years now I have been writing down almost every penny I spend. I say almost, because if what I buy for myself exceeds the amount that I had budgeted for myself for that month, I put the receipt aside and
1) Enter it in the following month (that means that I already start the month off with less money then I will need for the month) OR
2) Enter it into another category (so that I can spend more money on myself and not feel depressed or denied) OR
3) Not enter it at all (so that the budget looks better than it really is!).

So if I am not honest with my budgeting and entering all receipts, why even bother? Honestly, I don't know!
Brent and I have been talking about this for literally years now. I would say that he enables my shopping habit by not getting more involved. Every month he says that he will get involved, but when he doesn't, I don't remind him or press the issue, because I don't want to give up control in this area.

Well, here is the honest truth: I don't have control, never have and in the near future will not, unless Brent steps up and takes over our finances completely.

Of course, besides the habit of shopping, there is an underlying emotional issue. I just can't figure out what it is. Lord, can you shed some light on this please?

Why do I have this constant need to shop, to treat myself? Is it because it often is the only alone time I have? Why does buying a new pair of shoes or new towels for the bathroom give me a gratification that I cannot seem to get any other way? Why do I have the urge to buy things knowing that they are not in our budget?

Dr. Phil says you cannot change what you don't acknowledge. Well, I am acknowledging it and now it is time to change. So here is what I am thinking

1) Pray and ask God for guidance in this area
2) Hand over everything to Brent: credit cards, debit cards, bank accounts, etc
3) Move to a cash only system. Brent and I determine the amount that I need for household, myself, the kids, groceries, etc and I get cash for that twice a month
4) When the money is gone, shopping is done

Or do I ban myself from stores completely and let Brent do all the grocery and household shopping? Now there is a thought.

Honor Thy Mother and Thy Father

On Monday my parents went back to Germany. It is always sad to see them go. This year they spent their entire summer here in Washington. They rented a little apartment not too far from us. What a blessing they are. I have always been close to my mom and one of the hardest things for me to be here in Washington is that my parents are on the other side of the world and miss out on so much. Malia's first birthday, Carl's first day of preschool, Kiana's first spelling bee.
But God is good. While they were here they were able to see Malia's transition from a crawling infant to a walking toddler. They witnessed Carl riding his bike without training wheels for the first time and saw Kiana swimming with no help.
I am truly blessed to have such great parents. They love me unconditionally, they support us and the do not cease to pray for me and my family!

Here am I - send me

I don't remember when I first started listening to Keith Green's music and sermons, but I think it was during my discipleship training school in 1992. By that time Keith had already been with the Lord for ten years!
I listen to his music when I work, when I clean and when I exercise. His songs inspire me, encourage me and often they remind me of all the areas in which my life lacks total commitment to God.

Today I was listening to a live webcast from the University of the Nations in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, in memory of Keith Green who died 28 years ago today on July 28th at the age of 28. Loren Cunningham spoke and gave his famous sermon on God's calling on everyone's life. As always, I was touched by Loren's words and prayer.

"Here am I - send me". Yes, I want to go Lord, wherever you send me. Yes, I want to do Lord whatever you ask of me. Yes, I want to obey your call, no matter the cost!

It is about time...

For months I have been thinking about starting a blog. There are so many precious moments with my children, my husband and God that I would like to remember forever and what better way than to write them down in a blog for my family, my friends and my children to read.

I was born and raised in Germany so the question that arose was wether this blog should be written in my native language or in English. Since most of my family and friends speak English and since this blog is something that I want my children to be able to read one day, I decided that English was the way to go.

So here is to the beginning of a new adventure as I share about my life and my walk with the Lord!