Wow, so much has happened since my last post. That Thursday evening when I surrendered my disappointment and worries to the Lord, he answered me through some verses in Job and Psalm. The very next morning, my bosses sent me an email asking for a meeting on Monday. The first answer to my prayer!
Brent came back from a long business trip on Friday and we had a wonderful week-end as a family. I had so much peace, hard to believe given the circumstances. The meeting on Monday was great and I had such a good feeling going into the meeting, that I had no need to communicate my confusion or frustration. So work is back to normal and I am loving it!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Empty
I don't think I have felt this discouraged, insecure and empty in a long time. And lonely too. Brent is away on a ten day business trip and I am here to love and take care of our three precious children.
A couple of weeks ago something odd happened in my job that has left me very hurt and discouraged. I honestly thought I had the perfect job. Two bosses who have been very affirming, generous and great to work with. Not a week has gone by in the three years that I have worked for them without an email, a note or a little something to let me know what a great job I am doing and how blessed they feel to have me. And suddenly nothing but weird accusations, irate emails and no communication by phone or in person. The hard thing is that I honestly don't know what triggered this or what I have done wrong.
But through this all I am sensing something much deeper happening in my life. I thrive on positive feedback and encouraging words. My identity seems to lie in doing a good job and feeling needed. And now that this has been taken from me I feel completely insecure.
All this is making me think about who I was, who I am and who I want to be. I was a young lady who was full of passion for the Lord, a love for the lost and a clear calling on my life. Now I am a wife, a mother of three and a woman who has lost a lot of her relationship with the Lord. How did I get here? Or better, where do I go from here?
I have been filling the house with worship music, saying prayers all day long and reaching for a bible or devotional book a few times per day to see if I can find any encouragement and comfort.
And then I came across Psalm 143
A psalm of David.
1 LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
6 I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.[a]
7 Answer me quickly, LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, LORD,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
11 For your name’s sake, LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.
This will be my prayer for the next few days. "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love". I need to feel God's love. I don't want to depend on what people have to give me.
I need YOU Lord!
A couple of weeks ago something odd happened in my job that has left me very hurt and discouraged. I honestly thought I had the perfect job. Two bosses who have been very affirming, generous and great to work with. Not a week has gone by in the three years that I have worked for them without an email, a note or a little something to let me know what a great job I am doing and how blessed they feel to have me. And suddenly nothing but weird accusations, irate emails and no communication by phone or in person. The hard thing is that I honestly don't know what triggered this or what I have done wrong.
But through this all I am sensing something much deeper happening in my life. I thrive on positive feedback and encouraging words. My identity seems to lie in doing a good job and feeling needed. And now that this has been taken from me I feel completely insecure.
All this is making me think about who I was, who I am and who I want to be. I was a young lady who was full of passion for the Lord, a love for the lost and a clear calling on my life. Now I am a wife, a mother of three and a woman who has lost a lot of her relationship with the Lord. How did I get here? Or better, where do I go from here?
I have been filling the house with worship music, saying prayers all day long and reaching for a bible or devotional book a few times per day to see if I can find any encouragement and comfort.
And then I came across Psalm 143
A psalm of David.
1 LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
6 I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.[a]
7 Answer me quickly, LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, LORD,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
11 For your name’s sake, LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.
This will be my prayer for the next few days. "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love". I need to feel God's love. I don't want to depend on what people have to give me.
I need YOU Lord!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)